Weekly Posts

                                                FIN

It is time. My internship ends this week and I must part ways. I have really enjoyed this time with you all. Thank you for the feedback you have given me and each other. I have learned much about myself during this time and I hope you have too. I hope you consider the lessons I have shared with you these past 8 weeks. We all make mistakes and will continue to do so, but as my mother would say: “We must heed the roads others have walked; for you may not need to walk that path the same way. Take the lessons they have learned with you on your journey and then decide.”

This pandemic is going to be around for the foreseeable future. The uncertainty of it all can be overwhelming at times and the need for mental health services is on the rise. For those of you, who need these resources, please make sure to review all of the helpful resources at the end. We must educate ourselves with the correct information so we can apply what we have learned to our lives. I there are still many without jobs right now, however, work must be done in all areas of well-being in our lives, just as Rowan Thrive focuses on 6 key dimensions: Emotional, Physical, Social, Community, Purpose, and Financial. Take advantage of this time off and clean, de-clutter, and update your mind, home, and life.

Self-care is often overlooked or limited to a new hairstyle, pedicure, and/or a manicure, new clothes, and material things. There are some people who stopped taking care of themselves because the gyms and salons were closed. All progress lost in a few months. What happened to all the discipline and training? We must be flexible in the way we care for ourselves. One-track minds lead one-track lives. This pandemic has pushed many of us into an uncomfortable state. If you don’t equip yourself with the tools and support needed to help you embrace the change, you will be uncomfortable.

Living in this pandemic is stressful, but possible. Living it requires action! Don’t miss opportunities to express how you feel during this time. Being vulnerable is not easy, but it is necessary, and for your information, you’re not fooling anyone. People know when you are stressed out and masking your emotions, so pretending that everything is okay is not helping you. Trust me, you will need someone to listen to you vent, cry until the tears dry up, or scream until your voice stops. I call these moments ‘opportunities to grow.’ By doing any one, or all, of these things, will allow you to see yourself fully. So, take advantage of your support group(s) and be honest. We are all overwhelmed and must find constructive ways to channel our emotions. Living in this pandemic requires a continued mindset of awareness. Our social lives have been altered and finding relief outside your home can be a risk to your health. We must do our part to live mindfully if we want this pandemic to end.

As I have stated before, you are the expert in your life. The decisions you make dictate the life you lead. Living in awareness is a part of that expertise. When we decide to take the lead in our lives, we inspire others to do so. Especially now, with the pandemic and racial injustices popping up like weeds on social media, you must decide to be a better you. Your expertise should be evident in your life. With that being said, good luck. I hope my experiences encourage you to make better decisions. You’re still going to make mistakes and I strongly suggest you own them, but don’t focus on them. Redirect your attention to what you do after you misstep so you can enjoy your journey. I wish you the best in everything that you do. I wish you failure after failure so you can learn how to fail forward. I wish you character driven ideas that ring true to who you really are. I wish you humbleness so you can learn how to be open to learning from others. You may not be there yet, or know that person just yet, but keeping living, growing, and most importantly, becoming a better you.

 

Resources:

• Rowan University Wellness Center: Counseling and Psychological Services
  Summer Hours: 9AM-3PM
  After Hours Option to speak to the on-call counselor: 856-256-4333 OPTION 3
  
  
• Take advantage of Chill and Chat on Fridays at 11AM over the summer. Please visit The Wellness Center’s Proflink page for more information: https://rowan.campuslabs.com/engage/organization/wellness
  
  
• Follow @RowanHCI on Instagram and Twitter for the most up-to-date events happening in Healthy Campus Initiatives and the Wellness Center.
  
  
• If you are feeling stressed, download the Headspace App and take a moment to meditate.
  
  
• Want to see where you stand on your own self-care? Take the self-care quiz available at Love is Respect by clicking here!
  
  
• Rowan Thrive Dimensions of Well-being and additional helpful resources can be found HERE!

 

 

 

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You Will Always Plateau On Someone Else’s Plan. 
Write Your Own Rules.

Following diet plans that guarantee results is the go-to thing to do this season. But, I have learned that while counting calories and following meal plans can be beneficial, many times, it seldom works in the long run. Often, diet plans fail because of many underlying reasons. Once the weight is lost, keeping it off requires a new approach, one that will allow you to thrive in your life.

When I was once trying to figure out what worked for me, I found Rowan Alum, Shaun T’s Insanity program. I thought this program was going to change my life, and initially, it did. Shaun T’s intense training system almost killed me the first day I tried it. That 25-minute fitness test had me finding a cool spot on the floor because I felt like I was overheating. After I gained back 15 of the 20 pounds I lost on that program, I packed it away and decided to embrace my body, or so I thought. My embrace was masking my failure in the form of partying and drinking. I started wearing cardigans to cover up my body, thinking if I wore 2 shirts at the same time, I would have a smaller figure. I talked myself into believing my age and genetics was the reason why I couldn’t get healthy, but it was me. The reality settled in and I couldn’t do it and I felt like a failure.  

Fast-forward to a revelation Shaun T shared. He shared how miserable he had been 10 years ago while trying to maintain his physical figure. He did not have a healthy relationship with food, his mental health was in jeopardy and he always felt like he was on an up hill climb. His vulnerability is the vulnerability I felt and so many others feel when trying to lose weight, or reach a goal they set. It is important to allow ourselves to feel things and allow ourselves to share our vulnerability.

In her book entitled The Mother of Black Hollywood: A Memoir, Jennifer Lewis says you take yourself with you EVERYWHERE you go. We cannot escape ourselves. Lying to ourselves about what we see when we look in the mirror and lying about how we feel does not help. I knew I needed to lose weight. I felt heavy, and I wanted to eat right and be healthy. I was living a contradictory life.

In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance occurs when a person holds two or more contradictory beliefs, ideas, or values or participates in an action that goes against one of these three and experiences psychological stress because of it. (Cognitive Dissonance). I was tired of living this way. Finding someone else’s plan to help me lose the right amount of weight was not the way. A paradigm shift was imminent. I needed to do something different, and with my understanding of cognitive dissonance and my adaptive resilience, I am able to share my experiences today.  

Adaptive resilience is: “When an individual, team, and organization retain the capacity to be productive, resourceful, creative, and true to their core purpose while dealing with disruptive forces and adapting with integrity in response to changing circumstances” (SOAR Institute: Adaptive Resilience) I had a lot of self doubt and struggled, but knew what I had to do to be the most successful version of myself. The very first thing I did was throw out the meal plan. I hated them. They kept me hangry (hungry and angry). I started eating beef again because I love steak and burgers. I started buying cookware and cooking magazines. I started recipe shopping, which was exciting, and learned a lot about the importance of variety in a healthy diet. Additionally, I started listening to audible books on nutrition because I was too busy to read them and played them throughout my day.

Finally! It all started making sense. Food started making sense. I liked running, so I started doing that again. I wanted to sculpt my body, so I started learning how to build my body through weight training by educating myself with videos, audio books, and reading all without a trainer! It’s possible. This shift in my thinking pushed me out of my comfort zone and allowed me to change my “whole” self- physically, emotionally, and mentally, and in doing so, I now inspire others to do the same. I stopped jumping on the scale because what I was losing (low self-esteem and failure) could not be calculated in pounds. Stepping on a scale or using a scale in your weight loss journey can actually have negative effects on your well-being and can create mental obstacles. The scale interrupted my drive. I wasn’t looking for a number to fit me anymore. My resiliency kicked in and empowered me to learn about me, lose weight, eat healthy and look great. And it’s still working.

Every time I allowed someone else’s plan to convince me how I should eat and workout, I would plateau. Depression would settle in and I would gain back everything I lost and I struggled with insecurities. You can’t be a driver in your life if you’re in the passenger seat. Take the time to learn about you. You have gained knowledge of self through your experiences. Value all of it, the good, the bad and the ugly.

It is highly recommended that you consult with your doctor before you start any weight loss program. Underlying physical or mental health conditions could be a reason you have struggled with weight loss in the past. Making sure you’re healthy enough to do anything is important. Rowan has an excellent registered dietician right in the Wellness Center. You can make an appointment by emailing: wellnesscenter@rowan.edu. Additionally, Rowan students have healthier eating options now and can work with Gourmet Dining’s registered dietician. If you notice you are struggling with anxiousness, or not feeling like yourself, you can find support with one of Rowan’s counselors. You can call the Wellness Center Monday through Friday, 9AM-3PM during the summer and schedule an appointment. You can also visit www.rowan.edu/wellness for more information.

Most importantly, I hope you take from this reading today the ability to be honest with yourself. Every time I failed to explore my failures, I turned down an opportunity to grow. Take heed to my advice and face yourself. It’s your life. The responsibility is yours. Write your own rules and don’t plateau on someone else’s plan.

 

Reflection Questions:

When beginning your own personal journey, whether weight loss or obtaining a new goal, who or what would you say is your biggest support?

After reading this article, are you more comfortable with asking for help and reaching out to a professional if you find yourself stuck?

 

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A Better You
Week Five: June 12, 2020

Personal relationships have been hacked during this pandemic. Many people are upset, and some have learned that their friends are not standing beside them in the fight for equality and justice for all. The death of George Floyd combined with the stress of staying home has woken up our nation. Black, white, brown and every color in between, together, our nation stands against injustice. I must say, I’m proud of us. But there’s much to be done. Consciousness does not stop at the end of a protest, a vote, or justice for a few. It’s a continued state of being and doing.    

As I sit here listening to Natural Mystic by Bob Marley & The Wailers (1977), I am reminded that change is constant. It’s coming and it is here, right now, but are you ready for it? I’m not talking about change on the national and local level; I’m talking about change that must happen in you. Are you addressing your unconscious bias? Are you have having those difficult conversations with people outside your race or point of view? Do you understand why police reform is needed? Are you doing the work needed to help bring about the necessary change in your life? Yes, your life. This is about you, too.

We are halfway through the year and looking forward. With the pandemic refusing to settle and the protest for police reform increasing I ask you this, where do you fit in? Are you choosing bitterness or betterment? Ask yourself these questions and ponder your answers because your answers will dictate the life you lead.

Determining what’s right for you is a personal feat. You are the expert in your life, and I suspect that you have some ideas on how you can become that better you. Over the years, I have found myself doing a few things I’m going to share with you today. By doing these things daily, they can help bring clarity and shut out the noise. Consider the following:

1. Choose your teachers wisely. There are countless experts out there that have written books, have been featured on podcasts, and have social media accounts. They specialize in the many topics you want to learn about, including racism and injustice. Pick one or two. But you don’t need to start there. You, your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors, professors, and children should be considered. You may even need to comb through your social media accounts and cut out the dead ends. Remember, we internalize what we allow ourselves to be exposed to. Make sure your teachers are living out the message they preach. Don’t just pick out the one-liners you hear and repeat them, pay attention and learn.    
   Helpful Resource: 5 Ways to Stop Giving Negative People Too Much Power in Your Life: https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2015/01/10/5-ways-to-stop-giving-negative-people-too-much-power-in-your-life/#24cb458670c7
   
   
2. NO is a complete sentence. During this time people are going to try to convince you to take their side over your side. Disagreement is common right now and groupthink is on the rise. Get comfortable with the word NO. You have the right to research and process events and things in your life without commentary. If you find yourself trying to fill that awkward moment with excuses, mindfully STOP yourself. You have already given your answer. Feel that awkward energy, its powerful, especially when you find that it works!
   Helpful Resource: PsychCentral: Learning To Say No https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no/
   
   
3. Fly solo. Get comfortable being with YOU. If you are anything like I used to be, when I had a good idea, I would call my friends up to see who wanted to roll out with me. Doing this has held me up in the past. Now, if I want to run 5 miles in the morning, I get up and go. Everyone doesn’t need to be involved in everything you do or want to do- (I had to learn this). It is also a great time to reflect on your thoughts and flow without distraction.
   Helpful Resource: Psychology Today: How to Live an Emotionally Independent Life: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-emotional-meter/201911/how-live-emotionally-independent-life
   
   
4. Decide. Decide what you believe and live it out loud. Why live it out loud? Living “your truth” out loud will bring you feedback from your neighbors, co-workers, family, and friends. You need feedback to help you figure out what you should do. This can leave you in a vulnerable position, opening you up to your true self. Suppressing how you feel can lead you to live a masked life.
   Helpful Resource: TED Talk: Say Your Truths and Seek Them in Others https://www.ted.com/talks/elizabeth_lesser_say_your_truths_and_seek_them_in_others?language=en
   
   
5. Repeat. Do these as often as you need to.

My experiences have taught me that I will never master people. Life has a way of reminding you of this, so take heed. Instead of focusing on what the world is going to do, focus on the things you do to become a better friend, parent, sibling, co-worker, leader, student, human being, and a better YOU.  

Questions:

• What is the first step you will take to become a better you during this time? Will it be a social media purge? Purchasing new reading material?

• How can you move forward in times of difficulty?

Let us know your answers by clicking HERE!  

 

Additional Resources:

The Office of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) at Rowan University has a wonderful Web Series regarding Diversity and recent world events.

Follow the link here: https://sites.rowan.edu/diversity-equity-inclusion/index.html

Rowan Students: Know that you can talk to a trained professional. Contact the Wellness Center by calling 856-256-4333, or visit www.rowan.edu/wellness Their Summer Hours are: 9AM-3PM Monday through Friday. You can always call the Wellness Center after hours, even weekends, and press option 3 to speak to the on-call counselor.

At The Table with Patrick Lencioni Podcast: Episode 44: What Do You Suck At: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9hdHRoZXRhYmxlLXBhdHJpY2tsZW5jaW9uaS5saWJzeW4uY29tL3Jzcw/episode/NjQ3NzE5ZjMtMGMwYS00NTZiLWFlNmYtOTU0MDk2ZWRjOTFj?hl=en&ved=2ahUKEwjX2buNjPzpAhVwRjABHetcBSsQjrkEegQICxAE&ep=6

How to Be A Better You- Ted Talk Playlist: https://www.ted.com/playlists/8/a_better_you

 

 

 

 

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Untitled
Week Four: June 4, 2020

On May 25, 2020, George Floyd was murdered by police for allegedly passing a counterfeit $20 bill. Officer Derek Chauvin pressed his knee on George Floyd’s neck for almost 9 minutes while two other officers used their body weight to stop him from moving. Crying out to his mother and repeatedly stating: “I can’t breathe”, his pleas were not enough to stop them from taking his life. Due process? I think not.

Someone once told me that for you to have an effective argument, you must argue the facts, not the emotion. The fact of the matter is racial and social injustice is not a new topic in the black community. Protesters are risking their freedom and their lives to bring about the social justice needed in our society. But what happens after the protests stop and the people go home? What will the people do when ALL the officers involved in George Floyd death are charged? What will the people do when the owners of the stores that were set on fire decide to NOT rebuild in that community? What happens after the media has grown tired of covering this murder and protesters? Where will the fight go?

The nation has CAPTURED video of the police murdering a disarmed black man. Outraged and hurt, I wish I could say that this is the first time I have seen the police tag team black men. I grew up in a community where black men were harassed constantly for sitting on their own step, walking with their friends and driving a car. I remember walking to the corner store and being forced to walk in the street because the police lined up young black boys on the sidewalk. I was afraid to look at the police and these black boys, in fear of seeing the police stripping them down in public or seeing someone I knew. But that’s not the only picture that sticks in my mind about the police in that community.

The police also protected that community. They parked on streets to stop young girls from being victimized when they walked to school. They locked up the drug dealers who sold drugs in the community. They stopped domestic violence fights, walked with the people in unity walks, brought ice cream for children and checked on the many families that were victimized by their community. I watched the police do all these things growing up. So, I can understand people say they have a love/hate relationship with the police. Many of them are good men and women who serve and protect their communities. The good they do is often overlooked when a few of them are caught killing the people they are meant to protect and serve.

I don’t have the answers, but I do know that unplugging has helped my mental well-being. I have stepped back from the news and thought of some things that we, as a people, can do to help delete social and racial injustices in this country. Consider the following:

1. VOTE! Voting in ALL elections is effective because state and municipality laws determine the outcomes of these cases. WRITE! State and local officials are responsible for speaking for the people and the laws that govern them. Your voice cannot be heard if you do not write and/or email your elected officials.
2. READ! When I don’t know something, I research it. You do not need to be in the school environment to educate yourself on the law. There are countless free books and information on local and state laws and how they are made online.
3. GO! Go to your local community and town hall meetings. Sounding off on social media is not the most effective way to be heard. You can only be a change agent in the room if you are IN the (ZOOM) room. Don’t know where to go?
4. ASK! Google it. Go online or use your phone to find you community page. You can only be a change agent in the room if you are IN the room.
5. RUN! Don’t like your elected officials and believe you can do a better job? Find out what you need to do to run for office.
6. UNPLUG! Keeping up with constant updates on the protesters and the pandemic can be draining. Give yourself some space and unwind.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that you only have to do any one of these things ONE time. Change requires a persistent effort. Reading one book won’t do it. Going to one community meeting won’t do it. Sending one email to your elected officials won’t do it. Running for office and possibly winning isn’t the only thing needed to effect change. The people must work together with their elected officials to find the right solutions, tailored to fit the people they are met to govern.

Now, I know there are many who will poke holes in my approach to our current climate. For those of you who believe it’s a waste of time, I ask you, what harm can educating yourself about local and state laws do? Former President Barack Obama recently posted on Instagram:

                           “...It’s the mayors and county executives that appoint most police
                            chiefs and negotiate collective bargaining agreements with police
                            unions. It’s district attorneys and state’s attorneys that decide whether
                            or not to investigate and ultimately charge those involved in police
                            misconduct. Those are all elected positions....”

Laws, that are impacting our lives, are being passed, daily, with or without our consent. Educate yourself about the laws, the injustice, and make a change. There is no better time than now.

Questions: 

• What should leadership look like in a crisis, such as the one that occurred this week?

• How can you be an ally for members of communities unlike your own?

Answer these questions HERE! 

Resources:

1. The Wellness Center
   Hours are Monday through Friday 9AM-3PM
   Call: 856-256-4333 (You can call after hours and speak to the on-call counselor by calling the Wellness Center pressing option 3.)
   www.rowan.edu/wellness 
   
   
2. The Office of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI)
   Beginning Thursday, June 4, the office will run: We Are Not OK: Injustice, Action, and Healing Series
   Please visit their website: https://sites.rowan.edu/diversity-equity-inclusion/index.html for more information and links. 

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Weighed Down
Week Three Post: May 29, 2020

Stay at home orders and social distancing has stopped many people from enjoying their physical fitness life. With gyms being closed and parks requiring you to wear a mask while you work out, it is no wonder people are stressed out, turning to food to find comfort, television, and feeling weighed down. Our bodies’ immune system is our first line of defense when it comes to illness. Constantly updating yourself on the latest coronavirus coverage can be damaging if you are not looking for ways to reset your mind, stay out of your head and GET ACTIVE! Getting active is essential to your overall well-being during this pandemic.

When it comes to being fit and staying in shape, there are a few things I do daily that help me to stay on track. The first thing I did was take inventory of my get in shape at home gym. I had two dumbbell sets. I had two ab rollers, a set of ankle and wrist weighted wraps, a jump rope and old mat, which I threw out. I went to Target and picked up two 5lb weights and a foam mat. I went on social media and found one of the inspirational fitness professionals I followed suggested buying a set of resistance bands off Amazon for less than $30.00. (Here is the set.) If you can’t purchase dumbbells, resistance bands are a good alternative that will challenge you. The exercises available are endless. What a great idea that was! But I didn’t stop there. I ordered a pull up assist band, hip resistance bands, the TRX at home system and two adjustable aerobic steppers with risers off Amazon. Of course I didn’t do this all at once but, in doing so, I created my at home gym and got ACTIVE! FYI, I brought many of these items online before they became impossible to find. Don’t fret! I linked tips and resources below to help you get active while at home.

Being resourceful during difficult times has led me to find additional support on social media. I started following relatable fitness professionals online. These women, and some men train hard, share their struggles with staying fit (which are similar to mine), offer advice and tips on staying in shape. Their drive gives me energy and motivates me to push past my doubts and fears. I’m stronger and train smarter because of them and I will forever be grateful. They inspired me to tap into that resourcefulness. I mix things up more. With the parks and fields now open, I run up and down hills and do tire training. Training my body like this has empowered me to NOT to focus on the pandemic blues and instead, focus on strengthening my immune system so I can LIVE MY BEST QUARANTINED LIFE. I began to look at my neighborhood as an additional resource. I started completing my leg day workouts outside, right in front of my home. I setup my stepper outside (you can use a sturdy chair, too) and complete a series of walking lunges, reverse lunges, jump lunges, jump squats, air squats, stiff leg dead lifts, and Romanian dead lifts with my 10lb and 15lb dumbbells. (Don’t have dumbbells? Use water gallon jugs and fill them up with sand, dirt, or even use paint cans.) I do up and overs on my steppers and end with 100 calf raises on my step. This is just one example of my leg day training sessions. Exercising with my music in my ears keeps my mind focused on the things I can change. You must filter what you hear and choose your teachers wisely. Here are some songs that get me up and moving and ready to workout.

Whether you can afford to buy new equipment or not, it’s not a requirement. There are many exercises that you can do without equipment and with your own body weight alone. Walking, jumping jacks, pushups, V-ups, running, walking, jumping are just a few things you can do. Need direction? Try HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training 15-20 minutes), Tabata (4 minutes) and AMRAP (As Many Reps as Possible-20 minutes) workouts, which can all be done with body weight alone. Check out some helpful videos linked. These training styles can all be completed in less than 30 minutes. All of the exercises mentioned can be used interchangeably. Get out of your comfort zone and go for it!   And remember to consult with your doctor before you try any exercise program.    

As I stated before, the pandemic blues are REAL and it’s affecting us all. Deciding to get active is entirely up to YOU. Focus on getting up and moving, even for a few minutes every day. It will help with that ‘weighed down’ feeling. I hope my story inspired you to be your own inspiration. If not, find body positive accounts on social media that resonate with you. Remember, we are all different and should pursue workouts and support groups that help us stay focused and reach our goals. Additionally, social media should not be the only means of support you lean on. Even though gyms are not quite open yet, there are great exercise groups right within your own communities. (Check out Facebook and look for your hometown’s page.)

 

Questions:

Who can you reach out to for support if you would like to start getting active and exercising?

One is one thing you would like to try that I mentioned above?

Let us know HERE!

 

Resources:

Exercise During Coronavirus: Tips for Staying Active: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/healthy-living/exercise-during-coronavirus.htm

Exercise is Essential for Well-being During COVID-19 Pandemic: https://www.norwalkhospital.org/newsroom/article-listing/adults-exercise-and-covid19

Exercising During COVID-19 Pandemic: You Have Options: https://www.scripps.org/news_items/6936-exercising-during-covid-19-pandemic-you-have-options

10 Ways Your Can Use Household Objects to Workout at Home: https://www.thrillist.com/home/10-ways-you-can-use-household-objects-to-work-out-diy-home-gym

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Are You Pretending? 
How I Reframed Imposter Syndrome to Become A Better Me
Originally: May 22, 2020

Imagine growing up watching Disney movies with characters that look danger, doubt, and villains in the face, defeat them and push forward to accomplish their goals. Take a moment to reflect on the many cartoon movies you have seen throughout your childhood. Think about the characters and their defeats and how they are often presented in the beginning of the movies. Their lack of self-confidence, others treatment, and their perceived view of their world all confirmed how insignificant they believed they were. Then BOOM! Something happens. An unruly character or team comes out of nowhere and violates the main character by taking away his family, home, or challenging him or her in a way to prove him or herself. And then the magic happens. The character(s) are then thrust into the hard, unwanted, and painful world of growth because without it they will not prevail.

Just like in life, these characters are often teamed up with people they do not like and/or understand. Through the growth process, they learn many things about themselves and their support team. The hurts, sacrifices, fears, and pain they have all lived through and made peace with along the way. After watching these movies I wanted to jump in the air and scream yes I can, but I didn’t because I thought that was weird. Fast-forward, I now own my weird. I allowed myself to believe that I, too, can conquer my fears and make peace with my past experiences-easy to say, but not so easy to do.

So, what does this all have to do with impostor syndrome? Well, by definition, impostor syndrome is basically feeling like a fraud despite your accomplishments (Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, 1999). Psychologists Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes first identified imposter syndrome in 1978.¹ Both men and women have be studied and surveyed since then, confirming that anyone can and will experience this at some point in their lives. I personally started experiencing this in my early 20’s. Being a soldier, a full-time college student, and mother, I struggled to keep up with my childhood friendships. My friends and I were all on different paths and I tried not to let that one detail deter the way we related to each other.

Growing up together, I never thought we would grow apart, but we did over time. I left the neighborhood, made new friends, and loss touch over the years. When I would resurface, in my old neighborhood, they were still there. Still partying at the same places and doing the same things we did years before. I knew I had outgrown this lifestyle, but I felt like I had to hide my accomplishments and who I was becoming because these people were my true friends. They really knew me, or so I thought. So, I pretended to be that ‘yes’ friend they were used to. The person I used to be. Thinking about it now, I think I did that because I believed they wouldn’t accept me if I told them that my experiences in the military had allowed me to see that there are many other ways to be and live. Better ways. I didn’t want them to think I thought I was better than them. So I kept my mouth shut.

For years I did this, and then one day I couldn’t take it anymore. I told one of my best friends the truth about my life and what I was doing. I also told her that I cannot pretend to be in agreement with her “party centered” lifestyle. She got upset and stopped talking to me. Over the course of two years, my old friendships began to “flake” out of my life but I kept going.

Scared, lonely and vulnerable, I kept going. I often felt like a fraud during this time because I had no idea who I was turning into. You don’t get a progress report when you’re growing into the person you are meant to be. You can’t even see the growth when you’re in pain. Feeling lost, neglected, and pretending I wasn’t, was not okay.

When it comes to personal growth, you will often feel like an impostor because it’s like shedding a new skin that you must get used to. It’s awkward, but necessary. Be prepared to get used to growing into who you are becoming. Be prepared to lose old friends and gain new ones along the way. Be open to new friends walking with you and supporting you on your own personal journey while pursuing their own, much like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. Be okay with feeling like you don’t fit in your new life. You will if you keep moving forward.

 
Questions for You to Consider:

1. Who or what motivates you when you’re feeling lost, or like an imposter?
2. What can you do if you notice a friend or family member exhibiting these symptoms?
   Let us know your thoughts by clicking HERE! 

Helpful Resources for You:

1. Harvard Business Review: How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome: https://hbr.org/2008/05/overcoming-imposter-syndrome
2. Book: Why Do I Feel Like an Imposter? By: Dr. Sandi Mann https://www.amazon.com/Why-Feel-Like-Imposter-Understand/dp/1786782189
3. Podcast: Seven Signs of a Toxic Relationship (March 14, 2019) Art of Charm Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GiogVWmQ9Oc
4. TED Talk: How You Can Use Imposter Syndrome to Your Benefit? Mike Cannon-Brookes https://www.ted.com/talks/mike_cannon_brookes_how_you_can_use_impostor_syndrome_to_your_benefit/up-next?language=en

Films for Consideration: Meet the Robinsons and Wizard of Oz

Citations:
Clance, Pauline Rose, and Suzanne Ament Imes. “The Imposter Syndrome Phenomenon in High Achieving Women: Dynamics and Therapeutic Intervention.” Psychotherapy: Theory, Research & Practice, vol. 15, no. 3, 1978, pp. 241–247., doi:https://mpowir.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Download-IP-in-High-Achieving-Women.pdf. ¹

 The Wizard of Oz. Hollywood, California: Metro Goldwyn Mayer, 1939.

 

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Beating the Pandemic Panic Mindset
Week One: Posted: Friday, May 15, 2020

Hi Everyone! My name is Chineque Cunningham and I am a graduate student in the Wellness and Lifestyle Management program through Rowan Global. I have completed the core requirements and have come to the end and have an awesome opportunity to complete my summer internship helping you.

When I first signed up for my internship, I was excited. Even with all the anxiety and fear around the COVID-19 pandemic, I could not wait to start this internship. This pandemic has not stopped the Wellness and Lifestyle Management Program. With the college campus being closed, many students have been displaced and fear that their future is ruined. It is not. The fact of the matter is that the pandemic has only changed the way we live, and has not stopped us from living. Change is a part of life. In fact, I would argue that life is change. You cannot live life without purpose, growth, or connection with others and live meaningfully.

So, what does a meaningful life entail? Great question! And guess what, it is a question that only you can answer because YOU ARE THE EXPERT IN YOUR LIFE. Yup! You are. I am not going to waste your time telling you that I have the solution to how you can beat the panic, anxiety, and uncertainty centering around your life right now. I do not. And guess what? Only you can determine what ingredients you need in your cake called life. Those ingredients will increase as you grow as a person and are endless.

The external limitations that have been felt throughout the world during this the COVID-19 pandemic have led many of us to find the best way to survive this pandemic. Everyone’s approach is different and tailored to fit that specific person’s life.

In the beginning of this pandemic, my own anxiety rose as I tried to follow the advice of all of the experts on early essential shopping. I did exactly what they told me to do. I got up early so I could beat the rush, only to find that there was a line waiting for me. Boy did that raise my anxiety again! I had to dig inside myself and remember that I had two options and only one decision to make. I could either work myself up and allow the anxiety to direct my path and go home or work myself down, keep my mask on, get in line, respecting the social distance guidelines, and shop mindfully.

Thinking of my 17-year-old daughter waiting for me at home, I chose the latter. I put her needs before my fears and accomplished my goal. My anxiety did not go anywhere. In fact, it stayed with me the entire time, but I decided to NOT allow it to direct my decisions. Making that decision empowered me to calm my energy and control my response to my environment and people in it.         

You know, thinking of this experience I am reminded of a TED talk by Jia Jiang entitled “What I Learned from 100 Days of Rejection.” I watched this TED talk last year and decided to take the lessons Jia learned on his experience with rejection and add these ingredients to my life for future use. He desensitized his fear of rejection through continued exposure to it. This approach has helped me with the anxiety and uncertainty of the COVID-19 pandemic. Now as I said before, I still feel the anxiety and fear but now I embrace the feelings, wear my mask, respect social distancing rules, and complete my task anyway!

 

We want to hear from you! 

What is one thing that has helped your well-being during this pandemic?
What future topics would you like to see discussed?

Click HERE to answer so we can share on Instagram and Twitter! (@RowanHCI)

 

Helpful Resources for you:

• Don’t forget! The Wellness Center is still open Monday through Friday, 9am-3pm. Call 856-256-4333 to schedule an appointment. Click HERE for more info! 
• Ted Talk: What I learned from 100 Days of Rejection by Jia Jiang (15 minute video) 
• Coronavirus Anxiety- Helpful Expert Tips and Resources