Affirming Self-identification: Lived Names and Pronouns

DEI Prof-spectives
  • DEI
  • 01 November 2022

A lived name is the use of a name, usually a first name, that is different from a person’s legal name. There are many reasons why someone may use a lived name, including: 

  • To reflect an individual’s gender identity,
  • Using a nickname,
  • Using a name that reflects a cultural, religious, or familial preference/practice,
  • To distinguish oneself from someone with a similar name.

Similarly, an individual's pronouns can change over time, and respecting and correctly using each person's pronouns is important. Gendered pronouns include she/her and he/him, and gender-neutral pronouns include the singular they/them and ze/hir. Below, we provide key terms and resources to learn more about lived names and pronouns. In addition, we outline the process of how to change your name as a student or employee at Rowan University.

Key terms 

Asexual - Someone who experiences little to no sexual attraction.

Bisexual - A person whose emotional, sexual, or romantic attractions are to people of their gender or other gender identities.

Cisgender – Someone whose sex assigned at birth aligns with their gender identity.

Dead Name – The name that an individual no longer uses and replaced with their Lived Name. Sometimes dead names and legal names are one and the same, but neither should be utilized if the Lived Name is known.

Gay – Used to describe people whose enduring attractions are to people of the same gender. Sometimes lesbian is the preferred term for women. The term “homosexual” is outdated, derogatory, and offensive and should not be used.

Gender Expression – The physical manifestation of gender through clothing, hairstyle, voice, body shape, etc. 

Gender Fluid - A person whose identity shifts or fluctuates, including shifting between more than one gender and shifting between having a gender and not having one.

Gender Identity – Gender is the internal sense of being a woman, man, neither, both or another gender. Everyone has a gender identity. 

Gender Neutral/Inclusive – Spaces and language that do not describe a specific gender. For example, gender-neutral bathrooms can be used by anyone regardless of gender.

Genderqueer – Someone whose gender identity or expression is neither man nor woman, is between, beyond or some combination of genders.

Heterosexism – A form of bias and discrimination that favors people who are exclusively romantically and/or sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex/gender.

Intersex – General term used for someone who is born with a variation in their anatomy, chromosomes or hormones that doesn’t fit the typical definitions of female or male. Hermaphrodite is offensive and should not be used as a synonym.

Lesbian - A woman whose emotional, sexual, or romantic attractions are primarily to other women.

Lived name: A self-chosen or personal and/or preferred professional name used instead of a legal name.

LGBTQIA+ Acronym – Stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, and Asexual +.

Misgendering - Labeling others as a gender that does not correctly reflect the gender with which they identify, including using pronouns that do not align with their gender.

Non-Binary – Identities that are not defined along the male/female binary. Non-binary people may feel that they exist as both, neither or a mix of identities.

Preferred name -  Preferred name, like lived name, is a self-chosen personal and/or professional name used instead of a legal name.

Pronouns – Gendered pronouns include she/her and he/him. Gender-neutral pronouns include the singular they/them and ze/hir. Many other pronouns exist as well. If unsure of someone’s pronouns, simply ask, “What are your pronouns?” One can create a more inclusive space within a group by introducing themselves with their own pronouns. Avoid using the term “preferred pronouns,” as a person’s pronouns are not optional.

Queer – Reclaimed term used to self-identify as part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Not everyone uses this term as it can be used as a slur. Consider context before using this term. Queer may also be a distinct identity for someone whose sexual orientation or gender identity is not adequately represented by other terms.

Queer Theory – exploring the oppressive power of dominant norms, particularly those relating to sexuality, and the immiseration they cause to those who cannot, or do not wish to, live according to those norms.

Sex Assigned at Birth - A classification of female, male, or intersex based on anatomy, chromosomes, and hormones. Sex does not define gender. Only a few countries offer birth certificate sex markers other than male/female. In the U.S., Colorado is the only state to do so.

Title IX – Protects people from sex-based discrimination in educational programs or activities which receive federal financial assistance. https://www.justice.gov/crt/title-ix

Transgender – Someone who does not identify as the gender that aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth. Transvestite, transsexual, and transgendered are offensive and should not be used as synonyms.

Two-Spirit – A unique Native American identity embodying traits of both masculinity and femininity or of another gender than what they were assigned.


Ways to Encourage and Affirm Self-Identification: Lived names and Pronouns 

Lived Names 

name-tag

Many members of the Rowan University community may use a first name that differs from their legal first name, for example: 

  • A shortened derivative of a name (e.g., “Bella” for “Isabella”)
  • A middle name instead of a first name
  • First and middle initials (e.g., “M.J.” for “Michael John”)
  • A name that better represents an individual’s gender identity. 
  • A name that better represents an individual’s cultural identity. 
  • A name that the individual is in the process of legally changing.  

Specifically, for trans* and nonbinary people may change their names to align with their gender identity. Legal name changes can be expensive and complicated and may not be possible for all transgender and nonbinary people right away. You can honor the name that trans* and nonbinary people ask to be referred to, regardless of whether their name has been legally changed. When meeting someone new, or if a student or colleague has a name change, respectfully use and pronounce their name correctly. Additionally, ​there may be times (e.g., when contacting family members or writing letters of recommendation) when someone may not want their lived name used. If you are hesitant about a particular context, you can ask the individual privately.

Pronouns 

beyond resilience

  • Why do pronouns matter? The English language restricts pronouns to binary genders (e.g., men and women) and is a common form of misgendering for trans* and nonbinary people. When you state your pronouns, you tell another person(s) how you identify. When you ask for and use someone's correct pronouns, you show respect and acknowledge their uniqueness. Furthermore,  by introducing yourself and sharing your pronouns, you destigmatize pronoun sharing and challenge the idea that pronouns always reflect gender expression. 

  • Pronouns should not be assumed by someone’s name or gender expression (i.e., physical appearance or clothing). It can be useful to ask someone’s pronouns, but also know that some individuals may not be comfortable sharing. Oftentimes, using “They / Them” pronouns is acceptable when referring to individuals who have not expressly stated their pronouns.

  • If you do introductions, invite individuals to share their pronouns if they feel comfortable. It is important to refrain from requiring someone to share their pronouns, which would be counter-productive to self-identification. Specifically, insisting someone share their pronouns could potentially out-someone or make someone uncomfortable if they are still questioning their gender identity. 

  • Use inclusive, gender-neutral language. Avoid calling a group "guys" or "ladies and gentlemen." Great alternatives to refer to groups would be using the terms, "folks" and "you all." 

  • Practice using gender-neutral pronouns on your own time. For some, feeling comfortable with using different pronouns may take time and require effort and practice. 

  • What to do if you make a mistake? Apologize and use the correct pronoun(s) moving forward. It is best not to make a big deal out of it or draw extra attention to the situation.   When you misgender someone, correct yourself, apologize, move on, and do better next time. When you know better, you can do better! 

 

Rowan University Name Change Process

Rowan University is committed to enabling members of the campus community, including students, faculty, and staff, to use and be known by a preferred name that affirms, reflects, and/or expresses their gender, culture, and/or other aspects of their social identity in the classroom and to conduct general business at the University. Rowan University will make good faith efforts to display preferred names to the University community where feasible and appropriate and to update the reports, documents, and systems designated to use preferred names. The full name policy details the use and appearance of the preferred name. 

How do you request a name change?

Resources for continued learning: